I Kept It
by Kathrn1095
Summary: Stan will keep his promise. He'll see him, even if he's up in Heaven. Even if he's been gone for 4 years.


You fucking bastard. You weren't supposed to die until I did.

We were supposed to go all the way through fucking high school, and make fun of all the sluts We were supposed to be the most popular. We were supposed to be the guys that everyone wished to be, or envied. We were supposed to have road trips with Kenny and Fatass. We were supposed to be Super Best Friends forever, even if we lost connection.

I watched them as they lowered your body into the ground. But it seemed like they were taking their sweet ass time. Lowered it slowly, making sure we knew you died. Assholes, they were.

I watched as your parents sobbed loudly. I watched Ike stare with no emotion, yet tears streamed. I watched all of our friends cry silently. I watched everyone else stare with sadness, and pity.

I watched myself as I fell to the ground, and I watched how tears came down my face. Like a fucking waterfall. Except it was 10 times worse. Hell, even Cartman looked like he was going to cry. Muttering that you were a stupid Jew. All of our friends were in the same position like Ike. Surprisingly, even Tweek was.

I know you're still here. You're looking at us with pity, about how we were crying because of you. You're walking up in front of us, wishing you could wipe away our tears. You're staring at the casket that contained your body, in shock and sadness.

_Kyle Jerry Broflovski_

_May 26, 1996- April 2, 2013_

_Child, brother, friend, and Super Best Friend_

The tears were worse once I read, 'Super Best Friend'. I'm guessing your mom did that. I'm not sure to be honored or in fucking anguish.

Remember when you saw that boy get killed by the robber about 2 years ago? All because he cried. I remember how you cried too, looking through the window. I wiped the tears off your face, and held you as we called the cops. Unfortunately, they killed another adult before they got there.

Remember when Cartman tied you up in his basement and swung a snake in front of your face? It almost bit you. You yelled, and struggled, pissed as hell, and you looked like you were going to shit bricks. And I mean huge ones. Like the ones that you use to build houses, and not the tiny Lego ones. I showed up as Toolshed for no fucking reason and threw a hammer at him. And was I damn proud. Right in the head, knocking him out as the snake slithered away to who knows where.

I feel like I helped you a lot, even though you were way tougher than me.

* * *

The night after your funeral, all of my dreams included you. They were either memories, or things that could have happened if you were alive. Sometimes I even saw you in a tux, with your silly green hat, staring at me with eyes that matched your ushanka. You would walk towards me, a big smile on your face, grabbing my arms and telling me to join you. I'd only stare at you in shock, and you'd brush it off and keep tugging. I have this dream almost every week or so.

I started cutting myself, but I stopped after 4 months. I would do it once a week, about three cuts on my arm, before cleaning the knife and putting it back where it belonged. But it escalated to about 4 times a week, same amount of cuts each time. Mom walked in on me, and then I stopped. I still look at the knife I used, but I always have to tell myself not to.

Mom told me that you wouldn't want me to do this, and I knew that, but it make the pain go away. With every drop of blood that ran down my arm and on to the floor felt like a drop of my life. Every time I smoked, it felt like my lungs let out air of my life. Every time I snorted cocaine, I cried at the force, and it felt like those tears were also drops of my life. Maybe soon, I'll lose too much of my life, and be able to finally to join me like you ask me.

People think that I'm taking it too far, and that I used to like you, but they don't have a bond like we do, and they never will. I've been friends with you since we were four, best friends since we were six, and Super Best Friends since we were nine. We did everything together.

It's like I'm going insane. I'm really surprised I actually haven't tried to kill myself, though I know I will soon. I hear your voice everywhere. Advice, remarks, answers, insults, everything. It's torture, and it aches so damn bad. I see bright green like on your hat, or orange like your jacket, or even red like your hair, and I feel like crying all over again.

I'm still convinced that your watching us. To see us coping. You're probably smiling at the people that seem to get over it, and act like it never happened, while you're probably frowning at the people who aren't doing so well.

Like me.

* * *

It was the second of April, four years later.

I went to your grave today, and I hope you heard me. I even brought you flowers. I brought orange ones, since I knew that was your favorite color.

"Hey Kyle, I wanted to check up on you. I'm not doing so well without you. I started cutting after that for 4 months. I have a lot of scars on my arms." I rolled up my sleeves. "I hope you aren't disappointed in me. I quit though, and I hope that you're happy with that. I've been doing really bad without you, Kyle. How could you do this to me? Why did you push me out of the way? If you yelled my name, I would have made it. But I guess I can't blame you. I'd do the same for you. God Kyle, you really do things to me.."

I swear I heard a chuckle.

"I just needed to check up on you. I really wish that I could see you." I whispered, tears already forming. "You know what, I'm going to see you. Tonight. I can't go another day without you. I'm 21, and I might have a life ahead of me, but it won't be good without you. I love you, Kyle, and I can't go on. I'll see you tonight."

I walked away, but I didn't expect you to call after me. I didn't expect you to show up.

You looked exactly like in my dreams, except older, around my age. You looked like a ghost.

"I'll be waiting for you." You had said with a smile and tears coming down. You let out a sob. "I'll be expecting you. Don't let me down, Marsh. I love you too." You closed your eyes, before fading away.

I'll be coming, Kyle.

* * *

I'm now sitting in my bathtub.

I grab the knife I used to use, and started cutting. It feels so good.

The blood runs down my arm and into the tub, spreading out. After a few more cuts, the water is almost completely red.

My vision's fading, and I still have enough energy to cut something; a message.

I scratch in an **S**.

I scratch in a **B**.

And finally, I scratch in an **F**.

For the first time in 4 years, I smile. A real smile. To some people, I didn't know how to smile. But I let one come on my face.

I've lost too many drops of life, and now I'm gonna die.

My vision is getting blurrier.

I can hear the door open.

I listen as Shelley grabs me out of the tub, screamed for Mom and Dad.

My vision fades.

My vision turns black.

* * *

I finally see you, and you look the same. White tux, green hat. I tear up again, and run towards you. I tackle you onto the ground, a grin on my face.

"I kept my promise." I whisper, squeezing hard.

"I'm sorry I didn't keep mine." You say, hugging back.

Before I realize it, you kiss me softly. I kiss back happily, spilling every emotion I've felt for the past 4 years into it, and wrap my arms around your neck, as yours go around my waist. I pull away, smiling.

I get off of you, and you intertwine our fingers.

"Come with me." You say, a giant smile on your face, like in my dreams. "Follow me. They have Shakey's Pizza in Heaven. It's fucking awesome!" And you pull me away.

_I did keep my promise, Kyle. I did. And I don't care if you broke yours. I'm glad I get to be with you again._


End file.
